By Selwyn Duke
Since liberals place a premium
on tolerance, the loving and charitable thing to do is help them develop
it. Note here that, unbeknownst to many,
tolerance involves enduring something considered to be a negative. We don’t tolerate a fine meal or a nice car,
for instance; we relish such things. But
we might have to tolerate bad weather, a cold or Nancy Pelosi. Now, since liberals actually perceive a great
many positive things to be negative, placing them in situations wherein they
may cultivate tolerance is not difficult.
One under-appreciated vehicle
through which to do this is your children.
You can use your kids to annoy liberals, but I don’t mean in the way liberals
annoy other people with theirs.
Liberals, by not civilizing their children, breed brats who bounce balls
in supermarkets, play hide-and-go-seek in restaurants, keep the makers of
psychotropic medication in business and sometimes chant “Yes, we can!” No, the techniques in question here are far
different.
One of the best ways to use
your children in this regard is to have a lot of them. Liberals, being generally misinformed and
detached from reality, don’t know that the Western world faces a population
implosion, and the exercise of fecundity isn’t a choice they appreciate. You know, if they see a gaggle of boys and
girls following someone mother-goose style, they think carbon footprints,
Malthusian nightmares and about how the “wrong” people are breeding.
And think about the fun you
could have. For example, a nice touch
would be to sport a bumper sticker saying, “My seven kids can beat up your one Ritalin-addled
C-student.” Also, when the size of your
family is raised in conversation, you can casually mention how the Bible
instructs us to be fruitful and multiply.
Judeo-Christian references move a liberal like nothing else.
How you raise your children
matters, too. Make sure they not only
play with toy guns but that they do it publicly. And it helps if they audibly say things such
as “Bang, bang, you’re dead!” Liberals
view this the way a normal person would view the exposure of a child to
pornography. This is especially
effective with the subspecies of liberals known as the suburban soccer
mom.
You see, liberals hate
guns. They feel guns are scary. They feel that guns “teach violence” (that
violence has to be taught is a notion I debunked irrefutably, undeniably and
completely here). They just plain feel. They seem to worry
that letting their son play with guns will turn him into a murderer even though
they never wonder if allowing him to play with trains will turn him into a
conductor.
To ensure this technique has
maximum impact, you must choose the correct toy guns. Vintage is the word, because the guns you
find in stores today look like they were designed by Michael Jackson’s
effeminate twin. They sometimes come in
Barbie doll colors and, at best, have at least a little red piece at the end of
the barrel. This toy-land abomination
arose because undisciplined liberal children started pointing realistic-looking
toy guns at police officers. Somehow
liberals don’t view this as Darwinian natural selection.
As an example of this
technique, I’ll relate a story involving someone I know. This father had given his sons some truly
cool-looking toy guns from his youth, and one day he and his family ventured
down to the community pool bearing these arms.
When all the liberals’ non-sex stereotyped,
wearing-a-feminine-straightjacket sons saw these symbols of authentic boyhood,
their eyes got wide; exclamations such as “wow” could be heard. This also has the very positive effect of
confirming in deprived liberal children’s minds that their parents really are
dorks. Oh, and you don’t have to worry
about further alienating them from their (probably divorced, perhaps same-sex) parents/guardians. Unless liberal children can be reformed, they
will push the old folks into a nursing home first chance they get no matter
what you do.
I also should mention that you
needn’t fear liberals’ self-righteous, didactic proclamations. Should they choose to say something to you,
it only provides you the opportunity to put the icing on the cake. If, for instance, they say, “I’m really surprised you give your son toy
guns to play with” just respond, “Well, let’s be realistic. He’s still a bit too young to have a real
one.” This upsets liberals intensely.
The next technique I’ll mention
involves something I witnessed just recently.
I was in a certain very popular and expansive food store and saw a
father with two young boys, about two and three years old. He had them in harnesses affixed to something
akin to a leash, which he held firmly so they couldn’t run amok. This wasn’t too uncommon years ago, back in
those brutal, uncompassionate days when people hated children so much that they
allowed spanking and disallowed abortion.
Yet liberals don’t like such
things. They bristle at the idea of
treating children “like animals” even though they believe we’re just
highly-evolved apes. Letting your child
run around someone else’s establishment like an animal is okay, though.
Lastly, if a liberal asks you
why you have so many kids, you can just explain how survival of the fittest
ensures that the right members of a species breed and inherit the Earth. And be sure to follow up with, “Besides,
every time I have another child, there’s one more person in this world to pray
for you.”
Now, some may wonder why anyone
would suggest using children to annoy liberals.
Well, we must properly train the young in the way they should go. Just as importantly, we should always deal
with people on their own level.
© 2009 Selwyn Duke—All Rights Reserved
selwynduke.com 
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